Friday Confession: Should I Stay or Should I Go?

I’m starting this post in the midst of a train of thought. If you perceived some of my previous Friday confessionsΒ as being a little out there, maybe you should just back away now. Prepare yourself. Brace the nearest stationary object. And settle in for a bumpy ride.

Although I kid, I’m actually very mentally torn right in this instant. I guess that’s sort of my defense mechanism. Skunks spray a bottle of toxic perfume whenever they get scared (thank goodness that’s not the case!) and instead I make cooky jokes.

So, what has gotten me all up in a frantic tizzy? (Note to self: Look up tizzy later to make sure that it doesn’t have some alternate, offensive meaning that may be off-putting to readers). Well, remember that internship interview that I had a few weeks back? I briefly mentioned it in my WIAW post, and… I got it.

And that’s a good thing. No doubt about it, being a freshman and being offered an internship like this is an incredible opportunity. However, there are a few things that I really really can’t get past.

Like the fact that it’s three hours away.

And the fact that I won’t be able to see my friends or family much over the summer.

And the fact that I won’t know anyone there.

And…

I just don’t know.

It’s scary when you’re such a decision-based person like me. Of course I’ve written out the pros and cons list. (In case you are wondering, it equated to an overwhelming ratio of pros to cons).

You see where I’m conflicted, right?

Now let’s add in another little game-changer, shall we?

Today I was offered another job.

“What? Another one?! That’s great!” (At least… I assume that’s what you all are thinking. Maybe). This one is close to home, but it pays a lot less and is basically all labor-oriented. It won’t help me exercise my mind or expand my business skills. It won’t give me the chance to network for future career opportunities or teach me good communication skills. Basically I’ll just become a very good box-packer (which could be considered a good skill in itself to have for all future moving expeditions… Eeep. There I go again with the (…)’s and sarcastic responses).

What it all boils down to when making this decision is choosing what I feel is best for me. I hate it, but deep down I know that the far away internship is what I should be doing.

I HATE WHEN I KNOW WHEN I’M RIGHT, BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE RIGHT.

I want to be blind, uninformed, a skeptic, stuck in my ways.

I want to stay true to my homebody nature and be at peace in my own bed this summer.

But I don’t think I will.

I think I’m going to call that company back and accept this amazing opportunity that I’ve been presented. No regrets… Or at least, that’s what I’m crossing my fingers and toes to the bloody grips of death for (Whoa. I think just a “hoping for” probably would have sufficed there. No need to get graphic!).

When I started this post I planned on writing the first part NOW, and the second part after I made my final decision. But in typing this all out I think I’ve ultimately arrived at my final decision.

For better or for worse, here goes nothing.

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What is your Friday Confession?

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35 thoughts on “Friday Confession: Should I Stay or Should I Go?

  1. First of all, congrats on the internship. I know how scary it can be. Trust me, I’ve been there. I still kind of am in choosing to spend my last summer in Rhode island instead of applying to internships in DC like I should be doing. In the end, you will grow so much and it will help you realize what you do and don’t like. It’s an amazing opportunity and I think you’ll be glad you made the decision you did.

    • Thank you Sarah. Glad to hear it advice from someone who has gone through the same situation as me. I’m definitely glad that I made the decision I did, and you are inspiration enough for how much this will help me grow as a person! πŸ™‚

  2. Congrats on getting both jobs – that’s huge! Especially with how things are economically all over the world at the moment, getting a great internship is amazing. Secondly, if anyone understands how hard it is to leave family to do something worthwhile it is me (I left home at 17 to move 22 hours away to go to university so I could actually get a job and live my life). It’s very hard, and I won’t lie, some days are god damn tough. But it will get a lot easier and you’ll make friends and the experience will teach you so much that it will all be worth it in the end. There is this saying and it is something I truly believe in, and I hope you remember this, no matter what you chose to do: “Everything will be all right in the end. If it’s not all right, it’s not yet the end.”

    • 22 hours away… Geez, that makes me sound kind of wimpy with my measly 3 πŸ˜› Still farther than I like though!

      I really hope this is worthwhile, especially with being so far from my family. They were what I was looking forward to most about being home this summer, so it’s very difficult that that won’t become a reality. I think you are right and it will get easier, as well as being a learning experience well worth it.

      Thanks for the awesome quote. I’ve been keeping that in mind the past few days!

  3. Far away internship!!! JUST DO IT. It would be easier to take the job closer to home and your comfort zone yes, but magic happens outside your comfort zone. I moved to VA for a coop in college and didn’t know anyone..and I was 8 hours away from home! You can do it, it’ll be hard for the first few weeks or so, but you’ll learn so much about yourself. It’s the best growing experience I ever had!

    • DID IT! πŸ™‚ I so wanted to take the easy way out with this one, and even though I haven’t even started the internship yet I can tell that this is probably going to be the best thing for me. My comfort zone is very very small, so this is light years outside of it! πŸ™‚ So nice to hear from others who lived far away from home and had success (even if the distance of mine is not *quite* so far πŸ™‚ )

  4. I have to say moving to Dc for me was like that. i would know no one, be at least 12 hours away from family and again I had no idea if I would like it. All i can say is though, sometimes you have to go for it. Take that leap of faith. it is one summer!

    • From reading your posts on DC, I can tell that sometimes you still would rather be at home with your family, but overall you seem to have grown a lot there. I’m going for it and taking that leap of faith. Your perspective is spot on- it IS only one summer.

  5. Yeah I can see your dilemma 😦 But I think this is an opportunity to grow and epxand yourself. It will be tough but it’s situations like this that push you and strengthen your character. It’s a lot easier to take the closer job, but then what do you gain? It does suck and I feel for you being far away from your family and friends, but I’m sure you won’t regret it in the future.

    • Thanks for the kind words and support Anna. It means a lot! And you’re right of course- I wouldn’t have gained much with the closer job, and even if I struggle a lot with the internship, I think it will be worth it. *No regrets*

  6. Do it, love. I know it seems scary and overwhelming….but if I’ve learned anything in the past few years, it’s that the things that seem the scariest end up being the best. I’ve learned so much more from the “scary” experiences than the safe ones, and I’ve also turned down stuff and have wondered “what if I hadn’t been afraid and gone for that instead…” which isn’t the greatest feeling. You won’t be able to say that in this case which is awesome πŸ™‚ I can’t wait to see how this turns out for you!! Congrats on earning this amazing opportunity!

    • It does seem scary! But I totally get where you are coming from. Total cliche here, but “no risk, no reward.” Like you said, I don’t want to have any “what if’s”… I hope it turns out for the better. Thanks Caitlin! πŸ™‚

  7. Congratulations on getting the internship! It’s brave of you to go outside your comfort zone to do what your heart tells you is right. I’m praying that this provides you with the opportunity to grow. ❀

  8. Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh. There’s so much I want to say. First the important stuff: the internship. Congratulations; that’s great news, albeit very scary news, but great news nonetheless. I think it’s hugely important to fly the nest for a period of time, and this is just your time. It’ll be good to get out of your comfort zone for just a couple of months and shake things up. I’m super proud of you for making this decision.
    Other notables but not nearly as exciting (although very close): I love that song, the word tizzy (if you offended anyone, it will be balanced out by my enthusiasm for the word tizzy), your poor gripping feet, your use of comedy/sarcasm in tense situations, and the very nervous yet hopeful picture of the crossed fingers…please let this work. It will work.

    • Haha. Even in the midst of a kind of depressing post you never fail to make me laugh πŸ™‚ Thanks for the congrats.

      But I don’t want to fly the nest! Lol. I always thought that’s what college was for, but I guess you’re right. College first step, internship second! Shaking it up indeed.

      The accepted definition of the word “tizzy” is- a state of nervous excitement or agitation, so I think I’m safe πŸ˜€

      I feel like I’ll be crossing my fingers, toes and nose (I really this is not feasibly possible. Eh, but in the name of good rhyming!) all summer long.

      • Who knows. Maybe you’ll fall head over heels in love with it. Three hours is totally doable too. That’s about how far I live from my family and roughly how far I went away to school too. I think you’re in for something great, and if this puts you closer to me/Cleveland, please shoot me an email.

  9. First and foremost, congratulations on both job opportunities. Secondly, I think you are 100% making the right decision on choosing the internship 3 hours away. Yes you may not get to see your family and friends as much as you hoped for over the summer, but your still so young. You have plenty of time to make up those memories. Now you’ll be able to experience something new, meet new people & just find more about yourself that you never knew. Enjoy it girl!

    • Meeting new people…. That’s exactly what my dad said. Haha. Wise and oh-so-true πŸ™‚ I feel like I made the right decision too, even if I don’t like it all that much right now. Thanks Jessie!!

  10. Wow, congratulations on both of the positions. That’s really amazing. And also on making such a tough decision in the way that’s best for you. I think doing that and realizing you’re sacrificing a lot is really admirable…like Jessie said, you’ll have more time in the future to make up those memories, but you’ll have experienced so much between now and then, which will be so great. Way to go, you!

  11. I’m late on this one, but, first, congratulations on both opportunities, and second, I definitely think you’re making the right decision.
    As somebody who never sought out internships during college (love my alma mater, but our career placement stunk!), I wish I’d had an opportunity like that, esp. as a freshman. It might be hard, and you may get lonely being away friends, family, & your comfort zone, but I think you will be glad in the end. Good luck!

    • Thanks Catherine πŸ™‚ I think my college tries to be good with career placement, but this one was all me. I’m kind of one of those people who hate getting help from others… I know, I know. I’m working on it πŸ˜‰ And I’m so incredibly grateful for the experience.

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  13. Congrats on the internship! That is SO exciting πŸ™‚ I don’t think any of us can tell you exactly what to do but I feel like people have been giving you some great advice. As for me – whenever I have a huge decision – I always go back to the basics: make a pros/cons list. Or you can even flip a coin. I swear that whenever I do that, my true feelings will come out as the coin is in the air spinning πŸ˜€

    • Thanks! It is pretty exciting, and at the same time pretty scary πŸ˜€ Everyone has give some great advice. Even from the beginning when I was like “no way am I going that far away!” I kind of knew deep down that it was the best thing for me. πŸ™‚

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